How One Ex-Addict Transformed Her Recovery With A Letter.
I don’t know about how or where you are on your recovery journey but when I reflect back on the beginning of my own I remember realizing how little I knew myself at all and how truly vulnerable I was. I had drunk myself into a different persona on each occasion depending upon who I was with and my personality literally morphed into whomever I was with, liking what they liked, going and doing whatever they were loving to do. I was very much the mimic but with no real understanding or interest in me.
Although I was clearly seeking fellowship and connection I was not connected to myself but alcohol had stepped right up and was wearing that badge for me. It would give me a very immediate dopamine hit in the present moment and that’s where I always got stuck. In that moment, with that big ol rush of dopamine coming from a far from positive source.
That was until I recognised my recovery and really asked myself what I wanted? I didn’t know much but I knew two things… 1. I knew I wanted to stay alive and 2. I wanted a good and fulfilling life.
So how would I get there? The steps of course were my first encounter and it is there I would begin but there was something a little more I felt I could bring in. You see, there is one thing I question in the generic recovery programme and that is the statement of “just for today”, well, I don’t question it so much as challenge the concept of how it is taken. In order to really recover we need a big “WHY”, it’s like the secret sauce really, we need to know WHY we are wanting to recover and when we ask that question we are putting ourselves into a future frame of mind. It’s where the magic happens.
Here’s the interesting thing about future self-science … the more connected you become to your future self, the more you prize and value the present.
“ “He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.””
If you want to do anything with your life, including overcoming long term addictions, getting connected to your future self is right up there.
It can be difficult though for us to connect to a future self because our brain is not yet connected to our future five or ten years from now. It’s busy in the present where it is difficult to resist temptation ..I mean, let's face it, the present self is present, it has control, it has the power right now, it has these strong heroic arms that can lift donuts into your mouth or throw wine down your neck. And your future self is none the wiser, it’s not even around, it’s off in the future being weak.
BUT… if you can bring it closer, if you can connect to your future self the whole picture changes, there are so many benefits including better decision making in all aspects of your life. Research shows us that if you are connected with your long term future self you are more likely to save rather than over spend your money. You are also more likely to invest toward retirement which is something people consistently and regretfully take seriously far too late. Being connected with your future self will also provide healthier eating and exercise. When aligned with your future self you are also far less likely to do anything that will be harmful in any way.
When I recognised my “Why” I went about writing a letter to my future self. To this day it has been one of the most powerful things I have done in my recovery and I wanted to share it with you.
Writing A Letter From Your Future Self
Many top athletes, coaches, actors, singers, entrepreneurs and just about any successful person have been using visualization techniques for decades. Each of them will have gone to a next level in their imaginings, the key is to make this a whole body experience, we are not going to be vision boarding here. As you step into your future self your aim will be to tap into what you can feel, taste, smell, hear and see? What emotions are you feeling? When we are in this role we can become really creative, at this moment you are only imagining so there are no limits… go bold.
Essentially when visualizing like this you are intention setting and by speaking these intentions aloud and by writing them down you will be planting a seed to grow. Once the seed is planted in our subconscious and we are faced with situations which will help us towards our goals and intentions an inbuilt alarm sort of goes off and we are more well equipped to make better choices. It takes practice but like I say the most powerful way of anchoring this connection for me was to write the letter so lets begin.
Firstly make some time in your schedule, maybe an hour or so and find yourself somewhere comfortable and quiet where you will not be disturbed. You will want to grab your favourite writing tools and settle in. You can either write to yourself or someone who loves you and would love to hear all about your achievements.
There are two approaches, you could start writing, just imagining how your future may look and see where it takes you or set a timeframe and imagine yourself having lived through that time frame and your life has gone exactly how you wish your desired outcome to be. Whichever you choose it is likely that positive, uplifting and refreshing thoughts are going to pop into your head.
Be as specific as possible and focus on the positive. You want to write only about the things you want to happen. Ultimately remember this is supposed to also be fun. Not everything you will write about may come true and there are bound to be some surprises along the way, however you might be surprised at just how much will manifest into your reality.
To give you a clearer picture I would like to share my own letter with you and help get you started. Have fun and I look forward to hearing how you get on.
Dear Olubunmi,
You did it girl. I always knew you had it in you. All those days in recovery were possible, even though most people thought you would never do it. But, you knew, deep down in your heart, in your very being, that you had what it took - so you just kept going, day at a time, doing with others who stayed sober did before you.
Look at you now, Woah ! It all came true. ALL of it! You always knew you meant to live the life the way you truly wanted. But take NONE of this for granted. You always had a choice, both hard in their own way but one lead to a life of freedom and the other Russian roulette /worse.
But this was not all down to you, you had many people supporting you at all levels, people who could love you when you couldn’t/wouldn’t love yourself. They were the people who stood close, shoulder to shoulder, shoring you up when you were almost broken. These people helped you believe in your inherent worth. You knew it would take a village to support you and you searched and found it.
I hope now you will never, ever again ignore your own feelings and vulnerabilities and put everyone else first. Don’t ever be ashamed for having and following your hopes and your “Why”, there are plenty of naysayers and sceptics out there who don’t have the same dreams as you, but they are your dreams and worth staying well for.
Never let this success in recovery mean you stop working it, moulding it, enriching it, blending it and seasoning life. You know how you can be, but now that you have this gift of sobriety, the wonderful relationships, the laughter, the opportunities to do what you want to do, use them wisely, they are priceless .
The only reason you are successful is because you made a decision, made an intention to enjoy the process , become teachable ,rock the journey and be as peaceful as you can be with recovery.
Be brave enough to be all of you. Continue to support others in any way you can. Be there for their joys and celebrations or when life takes a turn for the worse and watch the incredibly positive results that will unfold for all of you.
Be Love. Be Compassion. Be in your sovereignty -you earned it lady!
Don’t take life too seriously, be a light girl. You of all people know the funny side of life, it’s always stood you in good stead.
Keep being true to yourself, I know it’s easier to keep asking for validation, but don’t do it, you know who you are. Keep yourself accountable. Continue to write that daily gratitude list every evening that you love so much.
Thank the universe for helping you get out of your own way and let life unfold in a way that’s surprising, exciting, unexpected and way better than imagined. For making all your dreams come true- especially this villa in the sun and the hammock for two in the garden.
But never forget — “faith without work is dead and inspired action blended with recovery is well and truly alive”.
I’m proud of you kiddo.
Yours always
Olubunmi.
